New fantasy type thing

"If you die we'll probably all have died, and she'll throw us from the castle walls. With nooses around our necks"

"I'm not that good, you two will probably do better without me"

"Boy, You're a mage, just imagine fire really really hard and point your hands at people"

"That would probably end hilariously"

"Hopefully with fire, lots of fire" *Durzo knods, and the Ka'kari spills from his hand, quivering, then forming his sword* "Lets go gentlemen, a night of murder awaits"

*draws sword*

OOC: wasnt this a "magic is pretty rare and stuff" kind of fantasy world? O.o

OOC: Rob is one, a fairly powerful one, but untrained

*Durzo turns, and pushes the double doors leading into the throne room open. revealing a small army and his pissed of looking wife pointing a crossbow*

OOC: anyone in particular want to rp the wife?

Wife: There you are, you shame of husbands! Do you have any idea what time it is?! Where have you been again?! Off adventuring with your lads, havent you!?

*sigh* "I hate you... so much"

OOC: just sayin she had him assassinated... unless you're making her hilariously sarcastic, in which case, lol

OOC: well, i based it on that one last comment, so....yeah....

XD

*sigh* "Why does this shit always happen to me"

Ooc. Dont expect me to continue. I obviously have no idea whats going on here

OOC: damn it naz!

Ooc. What?! I have literally no idea whatsoever about whats going on here.... You cant really expect me to do a proper job like this, can you?

OOC: not much to know, she tried to have him killed, thought he was dead, and he just came back *shrug*

OOC obviously she's playing it off like she never ordered the assassination

OOC:... now that is a point Fae
what would we do without your very occasional, yet intellectual comments

Ooc. Continue our lives as we usually do? O.o
So be it then... But only for this scene....
Ic.
Wife: thats all you have to say after all this time?! What was it this time? An ancient city that sunk to the bottom of the ocean overnight? Visitors from another world crashing their skyship? A giant hairy man in the mountains?
Do you have any idea what a shitstorm i had to deal with while you were off having fun?!

"You tried to have me killed woman!"

"Also it was wandering about in the wilderness with that guy, rob meet my wife, woman, meet rob"

Ooc: thanks naz

Wife: so you are paranoid and gay now?! is that why you left?! to be with your lover?! *to Rob, welcoming tone* Please, take a seat over there. I'll have some tea and biscuits brought down once im done crucifying my gay husband. Dont worry, Not that i have anything against gays, of course...

*the ka'kari loses form, then solidifies into a misshapen blade with cruel barbs and hooks* "Come and get me, dearest" *shadows start to pool about his feet*

OOC: Just gonna say theres about 20 town guards chillin in here too

OOC: you realise that i have no idea whats happening, right? whats a ka'kari? what shadow? waddahell?

"...........I break up with the princess and all of a sudden I'm apparently gay"

*Trigger(Corgi) wombles in and jumps onto a chair, the word biscuit having caught his attention*

OOC: Okay Kakari is Raevan's sword, it is an entirely magic weapon that quite literally sprouts from his arm.
The shadows are actual shadows, Rae's magic is more stealth oriented so he can render himself near invisible with the aid of the shadows.

Long story short: I play a landless noble who's family was obliterated when radical magic user got pissed off with the industrialisation of the land. Rob survived due a mix of shenanigans and being OP.
After having dealt with a very surprised regiment of soldiers, Rob began making his way to the Steichnian(Germany) capital, to seek an audience with the king and also to let his lover/betrothed (The princess) know that he's alive. Along the way he met Durzo(Rae's guy) we never really played out why he came with my chap. ANYWHO, Durzo began teaching my guy how to use his powers(Speed/time oriented), though we haven't seem the time but yet.

Once they got to the capital they got an audience with the king, the king hates Rob because of the whole 'YOURE FUCKING MY DAUGHTER AND GOT ENGAGED BEHIND MY BACK' thing. But he puts up with Rob due to his family owning the 'technological capital'. (basically most technological advances came from my land.)
The king refused to do anything about the situation and instead gave Rob n Durzo a mission: Humt down some random witch.
Which went swimmingly! I got captured and Durzo sodded off to play negotiator with an army.
I was taken to some underground place, I broke out, found Durzo, got captured again, and then had an audience with the Witch and his betrothed. Toriana(The princess who he's betrothed to) basically broke up with him and told him to never return to steichnia.
Rob has nothing except his Dog and his Sword, so now gonna go kill Durzo's wife.

Side note: The dog has Wardian levels of plot armour.

OOC: .....uhm.... yeeeeaaaahhhh..... remember, you wanted me to RP her even after i said i know less than Jon Snow....
IC:
*Magical lightbulbs turn on all around the room, leaving little to no shadow(also razzling and dazzling the "intruders")*

Ooc. Naz's anime reviews!
Todays show..... /Drumroll/.... Hitsugi no Chaika!
Likeable characters, not "plot" oriented, no "we must win for our friends so we will beat the god emperor himself if we must" mentality, good plot, doesnt take place in a high school(!).
Overall: very much recommended.

*Durzo flinches, his shadows scattering* "You've been preparing for this" *he looks back at the six assassins standing in the doorway* "With me or with her, Choose quickly, my blade is getting cold"

Wife: only since the night i caught you erecting your tent pole with the maid
/Shoots and drops the chandelier above him/

*he Rolls to the left, and throws a pair of knives, missing by an inch* "So you saw a man dressed in assassins garb fucking the maid? that couldn't have been, i don't know, any of the other 20 people"

/Tosses the crossbow to someone to reload it and grabs another/
Wife: im certain that only you can have a dick that small. /Aims for the balls and fires/

/Meanwhile, a maid arrives with the tea and biscuits/
Maid: The lady sent these to the gay lover.

"I'm going to start killing people now... i don't know when i'll stop" *He rams the blade through the nearest guard* "the rest of you, i suggest you don't help the bitch"

Wife: and he even dares take the high ground after doing it! The audacity!
/The floor drops away under him and he falls into a pit filled with various cacti... From the large pricked ones, to those annoying little glass-fibre-bundled ones... The kind that still has fragments in you after a week.../

OOC CACTI!

OOC: so that dropped half your troops too... he was standing amongst them

Ooc. I dont think anyone ever said that he is among her troops now.
Also, its not a large pit. Even if he was there, only a few guys fell with him at most

*To the maid*
"I'm the guy who was fucking the princess of Steichnia. I'm not gay."
*he places the tea and biscuits next the Trigger and begins fiddling with the crossguard on his sword*

Maid: oh, we have nothing against gays here. No need to overcompensate with such wild stories

* shouts over* "he's not joking! I walked in on that!" *by using the few guards that fell in, durzo has started to pull himself out, without receiving to many spine pricks* "why the fuck would you build that?"

Wife: oh, i know how much you like gardening, dear husband....

*sighs and slowly starts approaching the wife, blade drawn*

OOC. wait, theres some third guy too now?!

he was there the whole time naz, i just was busy so he didnt say anything

OOC: well, duh.... i dont even know what this wife is capable of, not to mention yoiur guy.... i assume shes supposed to get killed by the hero party though...

My guys a knight mercenary
Sword n shield
No powers

OOC. To the cactus pit with him!

also, is it true that "ass" also means "mule"/"donkey"? O.o