New fantasy type thing

I ignore them.

I suggest some kind of Wallace and from it machine

*gromit

I want one of those SO badly!

Or you could have someone light a firework under your arse every morning

ooc: timeskip to reaching the fortress, unless himfea wants to "ho ho ho traveler" us

ho ho ho traveler

when you have someone jump us on the road, its from fallout, there was a random encounter, where a guy walked up to you, said "Ho ho ho traveler, it seems you have a lot of caps" and then steals all of your caps, if you don't kill him before he leaves you loose all of them

hence, ho ho ho traveler, it's a meme

Okay

So, times kip?

*Shrug*

*On your way to the castle, you come across a Steichtian caravan, traveling south from the north, the elder of the caravan approaches you and says "Linger here no more, the Northmen are coming!" in Steichtian, other than that, your voyage ends untroubled*

"That was highly eventful"

"I'm surprised we didn't get jumped by bandits at any point, you usually do along that road"

*the fortress before them is an imposing bulwark, designed as a defence against the Northmen, its walls are huge, About 3 metres thick and 15 metres high. It has 3 layers of curtain walls, the closer to the keep in the central walls, the more expensive and opulent the housing an businesses are. It sits in the saddle between two mountains, with a steep cliff behind, leaving a gentle slope in front the only attack angle. A mechanism of weighted cars on rails is used to move people and goods up the slope. Surrounding the mountains, lies mile upon mile of farmland, with occasional guard posts and watchtowers* "huh... My wife's been doing a good job... I say wife. Technically I'm dead so she isn't anymore"

"Wife?"

I bet she fucked others during your absence

"Aye, I was married, of course she was the one who had me killed... So I'm gonna divorce the bitch"

"I was honestly expecting more than a divorce"

"A mathematician thinks A, says B and does C."

OOC: What?

A mathematician makes mistakes

"Eh, you'd be surprised how fast kinging gets boring"

"That's why my family owned a massive chunk of land instead of a kingdom"

"You know what i mean, so much management, and peasants moaning at you about how their plants are sad. Plus I like being an assassin, spice of life"

"We never really had that problem, being a neutral faction with a professional army made us highly popular with the peasants. Coupled with out lands being a hub for technological advance meant that life was easier on our lands. Chances are that it has all been destroyed by mages in their war against any form of technological advancement."

Plus the clan wars of Land of Outlaws

Peasants would moan about their dead siblings rather than how sad their plants are

Fuck the plants

Fuck Greenpeace

Fuck environment

Fuck Teidorragh

All hail pollution

"Well, not exactly paradise out here. who am i kidding its a bit shit, the city is owned by the underworld, trust me, i used to be part of it"

"They are unpleasant people, but that fortress won't fall to the northmen, so the other clans leave well alone,"

"And if they bring mages?"

"You think i'm the only mage in the city? as far as i know there are about four other assassins, along with their apprentices. and they all have the talent."

"Still, a Mage will make a siege awfully easy for them"

You'd need a damn powerful Mage to get through 3 metres of stone, and do it three times"

"Or lots of them"

"Then we have problems, thankfully the Northmen don't have any, they shun mages in preference for physical strength. If anyone who has a crap ton of mages attacks, we'd be screwed, to put it bluntly"

"So the people who attacked me for instance"

"assassins make very good wych hunters, so we could whittle them down on the March... But besides that we could hold out, let them take the outer walls then counter attack once the mages are spent"

"Possibly"

"It'd be a bloody battle for sure... People here aren't soft, no way they'd have some foreigners come take their rocks and make moony eyes at their goats"

*He chuckles*

"Heyy, got a laugh out of the grumpy git"

"I'm not grumpy!"

"Oh come on, All doom and gloom, *he does a high pitched voice* my girlfriend can't marry me, woe is me! *normal voice* come on man, my wife had me killed!"

"I don't sound like that"

"Totally do. It's like a high pitched whine."

Here you go

Spoiler:

Ooc: who is it?

Azrok

Pretty awesome, wait is he in the branch RP or the other one?

What